When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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