I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
