I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
