So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
