I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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