Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
