I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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