god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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