happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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