you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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