my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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