this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
