pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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