I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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