Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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