No awkward lesbian experiences without me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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