I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
