if you like me you must not know who I am
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
