i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
People in love make me want to vomit
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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