I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
