david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
