That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
