your thong is hanging out like whoa
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
