My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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