K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
