sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
