I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
