just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
