I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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