As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
