He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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