i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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