in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the liver wants what the liver wants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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