she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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