JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize