Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
