and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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