I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
