I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
