Its about making memories worth repressing
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
