And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
