I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
