Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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