I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
