This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
