dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Randomize
