Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drunk is not a location!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
