Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
