Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
