Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
