i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
