All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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