The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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