just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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