it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
