i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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