He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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