Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
