So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
