I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
