I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
