I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
