she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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